Another Effin' Eejit Award

Yes folks, it's been a while since I last handed out an Effin' Eeejit Award (click on image to enlarge). I was trying to stay away from the whole automobile/bad driver genre because, well, then we'd just be giving away Effin Eejit Awards left and right now here in NJ, wouldn't we?  But never fear - we finally have another winner!  Today's lucky Eejit is not a single person, but an entire company.  Specifically, Panda Software.

About seven months ago, using McAfee, my computer nevertheless got mega infected with a virus.  Or viruses.  I don't know, but it was too messed up for me to fix so I brought it to my local, trusted geek shop.  After a few weeks in rehab there, my PC was all fixed up and ready to come back home.  Before I actually picked it up, though, the head geek at the shop asked me if I wanted to install a "better" anti-virus program than either McAfee or Norton.  So for another $50, he installed Panda's AV stuff on my PC and gave me the disk, along with the client number, user name, service activation code and password he recorded when he installed it.

So things were fine, for a decent time.  Seven months, anyway.  I felt completely secure and protected by my Panda.  The strong but quiet type, he was.  And Panda, when he's running, gives you a cute little panda bear head down there in your task bar. 

Recently, though, PC has been acting up again.  Taking a long time to boot, and even longer to connect to websites, more often than not giving me "Page Not Found."  And my Panda, which was supposed to start defending me automatically every time I turn on the machine, started doing little more than the "eats, shoots and leaves" thing.  He would, mostly, tell me he was unable to load the automatic virus protection. Meaning that he was having some virility problems, and though I still had his firewall and adware protection, I was defenseless against the dreaded virus. My little Panda knight had a few dents in his shining armor. So I went looking for some Panda Viagra on his maker's website.

After finding a similar problem in their FAQs (never a good sign), I was instructed to delete and reinstall the software.  So I dug out the disk that geek guy had given me seven months earlier.  First, I tried to reinstall it right over the existing Panda and got a message saying I was trying to install an older version than I'd previously had, and the installation aborted.  How, you and I are both wondering, could the version in my hand be different than the one installed? I dunno but I didn't stop to figure that out. I deleted the existing version, then tried to reinstall from the disk.  That worked, but it didn't solve Mr. Panda's problems.  As soon as he appeared, he repeated his ominous "Cannot load automatic virus protection" mantra.  He was still impotent.

Undeterred, I returned to the website where I was offered the opportunity to download another copy of the Panda program.  I tried.  But it failed to recognize the client number, user name, service activation code and password that geek guy gave me with the disk.  Thwarted again, but not waving the white flag yet, I tried to fill out a ticket in their Tech Support area.  One of the questions, using a drop down box, asked me what version of Panda I needed support with.  But the drop down box was blank!  No options there, nor would it allow me to type anything in.  So I skipped that question, answered the 5,413 others, typed in my concisely-worded trouble description and hit "send."

But it wouldn't allow me to "send" unless I answered the stupid "version of support" question that refused to be answered.

I chose to skip the last resort, that of calling their non-toll-free technical support number. And that was because I knew it was a lost cause.  I had once recommended Panda to someone that had an equal number of problems installing the software and, after dealing with their live people, gave up in frustration having spent his $50 for nothing. 

So I deleted Mr. Panda guy once again.  Went to AVG's website and downloaded their free 30-day trial software.  Ran it, and immediately found a trojan on my machine. Once that was cleaned up, everything's been running smoothly. (BTW, AVG is less expensive than most other programs, about $35 for two years, and is well-recommended.) 

So there you have the story of my frustrations with the perils of online antivirus software dating.  Mr. Panda is cute as hell. He made a good first impression, and worked really hard on our relationship for a while.  But after some time, I guess he grew bored and just became a couch potato.  Then he turned into a total idiot and so are the rest of his friends and family. They're all Effin' Eejits.  Congratulations.

PS:  Thanks again to Bekah for the nifty EE logo!

Comments

[Larry Morin]

AVG also has an excellent FREE version as well. Auto-Updates itself too!

Glad you managed to rid yourself of the gremlins.

[Lynne]

AVG is awesome, I've been using it for years and always install it on the machines I'm given to fix. I use the free version.

[Sharon GR]

Great post! Really funny.
I'm glad you were able to solve your panda problem!

[Sajid]

I think its easier committing suicide then having panda antivirus. Hey granted it works ok but the problem is so much popups telling you what it did, and not to mention I wasn't able to update microsoft update until I removed it. I didn't even know it was Panda Platinum Internet Security that was messing with Windows Update but man I was so happy when I got rid of it