Bye Bye Mickey

I think Disneyland is going to close pretty soon.  My reason for believing this won't become clear for a couple of paragraphs yet, but you'll see what I mean eventually. 

The kids and I went out to dinner Saturday.  To Applebee's.  Not fine dining, but just about right when you don't feel like changing out of your flip-flops, and your kids only want chicken fingers anyway.  We were seated in a booth quickly, and within no more than ten seconds, were ready to ask for another table.  The kids sitting in the booth in back of us were THE MOST OBNOXIOUS CHILDREN I HAVE EVER SEEN OR HEARD.  EVER. 

Applebee's is definitely a kid-friendly place.  And there's never any shortage of them there.  Whiney ones, clumsy drink-spilling ones, a few running around between tables.  Most, though, are fairly well-behaved when their parents speak sternly to them.  And a rare few (like mine), need no stern speaking.  Anyway, we go to Applebee's every couple of weeks, and I have a fairly high tolerance level for less-than-perfect kids in restaurants. But these weren't normal kids.  And the grandparents that were letting them run amok were no better.

Let's start at the beginning.  With the gargling.  Two of the three kids were very noisily gargling with their drinks.  GrlagrlagrlagrLAGRLAGRLAGRLAGRLAGRLAAAAAHHHHH.  Not a word from grandparents to stop them.  The third kid probably would have joined them and made it a gargle trio, but she was barely old enough to use a sippy cup. 

When they got done with the gargle-fest, they had some type of a screeching contest.  With still no word from the grandparents reprimanding them.  Instead, granny and pops were trying to distract the kids with talk of their upcoming vacation plans.  Since they had to talk very loudly to be heard over the shrieking, we could easily tell that their plans involved a trip to Disneyworld. I wished they were leaving for the airport immediately.

Next came the fart comments.  Loud as the screeching.  "Danny said he's gonna FART!"  /Hysterical laughing/.  "No, you're gonna FART!"  /Hysterical laughing/.  "I'm FARTING!"  /More hysterical laughing/.  Not a word from grandparents. 

I order a second margarita. 

Then came the pseudo-fart sounds, made by holding their forearms against their lips and blowing hard.  Phweeeert.  Phwooooop. Phwaaaap.  This went on for at least three straight minutes, and - you guessed it - mum's the word from grandparents.  I gave them the benefit of the doubt and assumed they had to be stone deaf.  Unlike the rest of us sitting in a 50-foot radius. 

By this point, my kids had about had it. See, they haven't had kids of their own yet in order to build up the slightly higher tolerance level that I have.  And I knew it was serious when both of them claimed they wouldn't be able to eat next to "them."  When the waiter approached to take our order, I told him I might be ordering another table very soon.  He knew instantly what I meant, and promised if it didn't get better, he'd see what he could do. 

Well, it did get better very briefly, when their food arrived.  But only for the 45 seconds it took them to eat it.  Then they resumed their chaos.  Grandpa, trying to distract them again, said he'd tell them a story.  And one of the kids practically screamed "Yeah! Tell us about the time you were running around naked!"  I didn't, really really didn't want to hear that story. 

Well, well, well.  Here comes a manager-type strolling over to their table.  Young girl, good intentions.  She thought she'd distract the kids by offering them balloons!  Yes!  What a good idea!  Let's add balloons to an already hyperactive rude and obnoxious bunch of kids with deaf grandparents!

Kids go shrieking and running off to the front desk to get balloons.  Return shrieking and running to the table in 4 seconds.  It was a nice 4 seconds while it lasted, anyway.  No sooner had they returned, than the oldest kid (around 6?) decided to see what would happen if he held is balloon up against the lightbulb in the lamp over our tables.  Everyone sees what's going to happen.  Except poor deaf AND BLIND grandparents.  They saw neither the signs of an approaching explosion nor the dirty looks from everyone all around their table all night. 

Right.  Balloon POPS!  More shrieking and laughing!  The kids want to try it with a second balloon but a miracle has suddenly occurred and grandparents finally pay their bill and the most obnoxious kids in the world leave the restaurant.  I noticed that they headed to a car, and I made it a point to linger at the restaurant a while.  I wanted the car and it's deaf and blind driver to get far away before I got behind the wheel in the same vicinity.

Anyway, my point.  These kids are going to Disneyland sometime pretty soon.  And being little kids, they'll want to meet Snow White, and Goofy, and Donald Duck, and Tinkerbell and Mickey.  Well, if those kids behave in the Magic Kingdom anywhere near as badly as they behaved at Applebee's, Disneyland is doomed. 

After meeting these kids, Snow White is going to beg for another apple to put her back to sleep forever. Goofy's going to put his tail between his legs and run.  Tinkerbell's flying back to Neverland. Donald Duck is going to go find a job as a decoy model, and Mickey's going to hang up his ears and go to work for a Chuck E. Cheese place.  Which, even with 100 "normal" kids running around, would be quieter than Applebee's was Saturday night.            

Comments

[Becky]

I have absolutely no tolerance for kids who misbehave in public.

[jim]

wait till you have grand children

[Bekah]

I can't keep my mouth shut when I'm around people who are too ignorant to stop their kids (or grandkids, or nieces and newphews, it DOESN'T MATTER) from acting like morons. I've often times turned and glared, or just out right said, "CONTROL YOUR CHILD."

Acting like an ass is unacceptable behavior and the parents (or grandparents, or aunts and uncles, again, NO MATTER) should be publicly flogged for allowing them to act that way.

[scorpy]

I agree with Bekah. I think, in the same situation, I would have had to say something to the grandparents. And I'm really not one to speak out. The funny thing is, if I hadn't said something, Ray most certainly would have, and we probably would have been escorted from the restaurant, post haste.

[Sluggo]

"... when you don't feel like changing out of your flip-flops, and your kids only want chicken fingers anyway."

That's pretty much every night. Hence, their success.

I'm never able to confront the parents in a situation like that unless they are actively promoting the chaos. If they can't control the kids, yelling at them won't improve things. But it's always a good idea to make sure the management knows you're unhappy. They need to be motivated to control the situation.

[Bruce Small]

I raised five kids, and without exception when we went to a restaurant someone always came over to say how well behaved the kids were. Always.

And the secret? They were expected to behave. No exceptions. In a restaurant or store, best behavior, period. Works every time.