Shamrocketship: I got nuthin'

/WARNING: SEVERE POLLYANNA ALERT/THE NATIONAL MOOD SERVICE HAS DECLARED A SEVERE POLLYANNA ALERT IN THE MONMOUTH COUNTY AREA UNTIL 7:20 PM EDT, THURSDAY, MAY 18. DANGEROUS ENLIGHTENING AND STRONG GUSTS OF SELF-RIGHTOUSNESS MAY OCCUR. RESIDENTS ARE WARNED TO TAKE COVER IMMEDIATELY.

I put that title up there because when I sat down here, I had nothing to write about. Actually, that's not true. A bazillion ideas came to my mind over the last few days, but none seemed to gather enough strength to form a sentence. Kind of like the sparks that shoot up when you throw another log on the fire. They seem real pretty and sparkly for a second, then - poof.

But what happened when the Muse took hold of that title was that I started to think about having "nuthin'." What is it I don't have? Quite a lot, apparently. Compared to vast numbers of Americans, I really do have very little. And I like it like that.

I live in a small apartment. I almost bought a house a few years ago, but decided it wasn't worth the time and expense just so I could fill up more space. Besides, I hardly ever lose anything here, and it's easy to vacuum and dust the whole place in 15 minutes. If I didn't have better things to do, that is.

Most of my clothes fit in one closet, and it's not a walk-in. I keep some seasonal stuff stored upstairs, but even all of that fits into a 25-gallon plastic box.

I drive a car that no-one would call prestigious. Unlike the hundreds of drivers of Hummers and Escalades I see in this neck of the woods, I can actually parallel park the thing, too.

My PC doubles as my stereo. I have no giant wall unit in the living room, no iPod. My television is a meager (?) 27-incher. My refrigerator is shorter than I am, and doesn't make ice cubes or dispense water.

Someone once offered to get me a Louis Vuitton purse. I turned it down. I would rather sport something with my own initials scattered all over it. Wearing, owning, driving, or doing something merely for the image it presents just makes no sense to me at all.

And as simple as I try to keep things, when I go on vacations, they tend to be places where there is even less. Not camping, exactly, although I've done my fair share of that. But places where there are no televisions, no cellphone towers, no crowds.

Still, given what I do have makes me incredibly wealthy by the standards of many who live in this country. And downright filthy rich compared to much of the rest of the world. I actually feel guilt over that. I'm sure people who carry Louis Vuitton purses and drive Hummers don't have that problem, but I don't doubt that they have their own set of worries. I wouldn't trade with them for a minute.

I have things that no amount of money or plastic surgery can improve. Friends, loved ones, intelligence, compassion, appreciation, a sense of humor. My lack of greed/desire/need gives me a freedom that can neither be stolen from me nor protected by The Constitution or any other law.

A woman I see regularly at the gym told me the other day that she's working out harder lately because she has a family reunion coming up. She said: "All my cousins are rich. And as skinny as this," /holding up her pinkie/.

I said: "But are they happier than you?"

Her head pulled back like she'd been hit by an invisible two-by-four.

"What? No. They're not. They're all miserable from the sound of it."

Well, there you go.