VICTORY!!!

I have won the war against my cigarette addiction. 

This would be a really long post if I took all the notes I have and tried to story them together.  Let's not, shall we?  I'm just going to post all the random, disorganized thoughts themselves. 

- I have been a fairly heavy smoker most of the last thirty years.  Never less than a pack a day.  Sometimes two. 

- I smoked right through every illness you can imagine.  Including strep throat, stomach viruses, bronchitis, the flu.  Didn't even slow me down, smoking-wise.

- My addiction was pretty strong as addictions go.  One indicator of that is how early in the day you need to have your first cigarette.  Well for me?  It was the exact minute whenever I woke up.  If that was 2:00 AM to use the bathroom, I had to have a cigarette before I went back to bed. 

- I've seriously tried to quit before.  What I thought I remembered about those attempts was wanting to kill someone during the first few days AND rip my hair out in shreds AND run in front of a bus. 

- The longest I've quit for was two years and it was completely unintentional.  I was hospitalized for an emergency appendectomy.  Just before he put me under, the anesthesiologist chastised me about smoking.  I was in the hospital for two or three days, completely doped up on morphine, and when I got out didn't want to smoke.  I found out later that the anesthesiologist had been talking to me while I was out, repeating "you will not smoke" over and over.  Either that worked, or I was so chilled out with a month's supply of darvocet that I had no cravings. 

- Until 9/11.  I started again shortly after that.

- I tried the patch.  Not strong enough. 

- I tried the gum.  Funny thing, that.  It worked well enough for me.  So well that when I relapsed to smoking, I remembered how good a substitute the gum was and used it anytime (and all the time) I wasn't allowed to smoke.  At restaurants (and bars, since April two years ago).  At the movies.  On planes.  In other people's homes.  At work. 

- My office doesn't allow smoking anywhere on the premises.  Rather than suffer the 10-15 minute walk across the street in full view of 1/3 the population of the building, I just chewed the gum all day.  I've done that since I started there over two years ago.  A co-worker once spotted my supply of gum in my desk drawer.  He said:  "Oh!  Trying to quit smoking?"  I replied:  "Nope.  Supplementing it."

- Cigarettes cost a king's ransom here in NJ.  My monthly budget was at least $260 a month.  That is not a typo.  And that doesn't include the cost of a 110-pack of the gum, which lasted about a month and cost another $50 or so.  Money did not deter me.

- My own health did not deter me.  I have often said I really don't care to live very long anyway.  I still mean that, by the way.  The recent stint at the ER helped fine-tune that thinking a little, though.  Maybe another route to death would be better, after all.   

- Why quit?  Well, inconvenience and the stigma of it were primary drivers.  Feeling tired all the time.  Having to worry about finding smoke-friendly accommodations when traveling.  Not any one thing, just an accumulation of little reasons.

- How to quit?  Well we've already seen the gum and patch didn't work.  I also have a filled Rx for Chantix sitting in my medicine cabinet.  Anyone want it?  I was too afraid of the side effects to take it.  Hahahaha. That's pretty hysterical, actually.  I was more afraid of the side effects of possible nightmares and insomnia than I was of a heart attack or cancer.  That's what cigs did to my brain, folks. 

- I was also afraid of horrible cravings, horrible temper tantrums, horrible SUFFERING for three days, a week, or longer should I choose to just go cold turkey.  I can't begin to tell you how very, very afraid I was.

- Then - here it comes, the PSA - I read a book.  The Easy Way to Quit Smoking, by Allen Carr.   Of all the methods I ever thought I might want to use to stop, or be successful at quitting, the idea of reading a book was laughable.  I saw this one at Barnes & Noble a few weeks ago, read a few pages, and put it down.  The few pages I read, though, nagged me all that night and I went back the next day to buy the damned book.  I finished it Sunday night, the 27th, and had my last ever cigarette before going to bed that night.

- I can't tell you that the book was 100% responsible, but the guy says a lot of different things and a few of them stuck.  Things that screamed "WTF are you afraid of a craving for?" and basically the idea that I had worked the withdrawal into this huge horrible monster that it probably wouldn't be.  Try it.  You'll probably like it, he suggests.  It's called F-R-E-E-D-O-M.  That and the fact that if you really believe you're enjoying smoking, start paying attention to it.  I did, and realized all I was truly enjoying of it was the scratching of the itch that began growing when I put out the previous cigarette.   

So that's it.  A book, and maybe twenty or so recitations of The Serenity Prayer (Lord, give me the courage to change the things that should be changed, etc.).   I used no substitutes:  no mints, Life Savers, gum, carrot slices, flavored water, nada zip zilch.  It was uncomfortable Day 1, Day 2 was exponentially better, Day 3 near awesome, and today, Day 4, I got out of bed at 5:00 AM to exercise and it felt great. Victorious.   

If you want the book, let me know.  I'm done with it.    

Comments

[Emma Liar]

Big ol' YEEEHAW!!! and WOOOOOT!!! going out to you! Congratulations!!!!

[Dan-O]

Congratulations. Kicking the habit was a one of the toughest things I've ever done (way back in 1984), but it's been freedom ever since.

I took a class at some firehouse in Neptune. I think the program was called Smoke Stoppers, or some such thing. One of the techniques they employed was asking us to save every cigarette butt in a big jar as we slowly weened ourselves off smoking. Eventually, we all had a big, smelly jar of these things. We were invited to open it an savor the aroma every time we felt a craving. I have to say, that didn't bother me very much.

What DID bother me, and what was ultimately responsible for me putting down smokes forever, was the picture they included in the packet of course materials; it showed some poor unfortunate guy whose entire jaw and part of his throat had been surgically removed due to smoking-related cancer. It was such a powerful incentive to quit that all I needed was to carry that picture in my shirt pocket and look at it whenever a craving occurred.

It's been over 20-years and I don't miss it at all. I took up running and eventually completed 18 marathons and dozens of triathlons. I replaced an unhealthy addition with a healthy one.

Quitting is always tough, at least initially. The good news is that you'll miss it less and less with every passing year. As the folks in AA say, "One Day at a Time."

[Shamrock]

Dan-O - thanks for the encouraging words. I think I saw the same picture you mentioned, and even THAT didn't work for me. There really was something about the book that convinced me it wasn't such a big deal in the grand scheme of things. I admit I'm having cravings but I'm not missing the smoking, if that makes sense.

[bekah]

AWESOME. I'm so very, very happy for you!!!!!!!!!

[Jim - PRS]

Inspiring. I too have a the Chantix box sitting in the cabinet. I ought to buy the book.

[شقاوة]

Nice site. Thanks!!!